“So each had a private little sun for her soul to bask in; some dream, some affection,
some hobby, or at least some remote and distant hope….” -Thomas Hardy
June is a month of celebrations whether it be weddings, graduations, endings, or
beginnings. We often ask ourselves how capable we are of basking in these fleeting
moments we have worked so hard to create. We sometimes sacrifice presence when we arrive at these milestones for the sake of planning the next big thing. It is very American (Manifest Destiny, Rugged Individualism, Pioneering Spirit, Westward Movement) and sometimes it serves us and sometimes it means we miss the meaning altogether.
I will never forget the first time someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was that day in elementary school when the policeman, nurse, and fireman came to visit and do demonstrations. Toward the end of the day, they asked our class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I remember a distinct feeling of unease. I was so present as they demonstrated what they do at work and when they asked for volunteers, I was the first to raise my hand. I still remember the burnt orange suit my teacher wore that bright spring day. I was suddenly jolted from the moment with one simple question. I remember walking out to recess thinking, “I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I better start working on that.” I was seven years old.
Little did I know this would be the first question of many of its kind …
Where are you going to university?
What are you doing after you graduate?
When are you getting married?
When are you having kids?
What are your summer plans?
What are your holiday plans?
What are your weekend plans?
When will you retire?
We were not always the ones being asked, sometimes we were the ones doing the
asking because, well, the best way to respond to the questioning when you don’t have
all the answers is naturally to ask others first.
When we fall back into this line of questioning while living in other countries, we try to catch ourselves. Currently, living in the Italian Alps, where people come from all over the world for mountain sports, the version we uttered last week was, “Will you be coming back next season?”
The most common answer is, “We will see.”
Do you think it will snow, rain, or perhaps the sun will come out? “perhaps, yes.”
What are you cooking tonight? “I am not sure what sounds good yet.”
What are your weekend plans? “Is it the weekend already?”
What we have learned from this is that cultures that don’t have an obsession with what is next are better at slowing down, soaking it in, lingering in the moment, BASKING.
Examples of Basking we have experienced around the world:
- Bali follows a lunar calendar and the celebration of the full moon is a time of gratitude and purification. On the full moon, the Balinese celebrate Purnama (meaning “perfect”). It is believed that when the moon is brightest there are blessings that come through lunar light. In other words, blessings come through sitting, chanting, and basking in the darkness.
- In Italy, Passegiata is the perfect metaphor for basking. No one is in a rush to get
to their destination. Some have dressed up, many arm in arm, meeting, greeting,
hugging, kissing, and walking. The purpose is to connect. The questions are not
about where people are headed or what they have planned for tomorrow. The greeting is Buona Passegiata – Have a good walk, that is enough. - A Day by The Sea: The French have mastered, and possibly invented, a day by
the seashore. They come with their children, their lovers, and their friends. They
come with their dogs, their music, their déjeuner gastronomique (gourmet lunch).
They come in style – navy striped linen, soft blankets, and a leisurely amount of
time. As we watched locals sip wine perfumed by the sea, there was a sense that the sun doesn’t set until the French have completed basking par la mer (by the sea). - You may have heard of the Scandinavian term Hygge in the past few years but
have you heard of the Swedish concept of Fredagsmys? It literally means Friday
coziness. When invited to participate we played games with all ages, close
friends, and family AND feasted on tacos in the Swedish Archipelago! It wasn’t a party though, it was a cozy time to relax and be together at home basking in the
company of those you love most. - Multigenerational households in Thailand mean that there are many hands for
childrearing and meal preparation and there is more time to bask in the wisdom
and joy of each generation. When we visited a multigenerational household,
there were vignettes of family members chopping vegetables, leaning against a
fountain with the sun on their faces, napping in the shade on a grass mat, or
chatting while drinking tea. - The practice of desfrutar is most closely translated to basking when the
Portuguese described it to us. This unique cultural ethos, broadly translated to
‘enjoyment’ or ‘savoring’, truly embodies the relaxed, unhurried pace of life in
Portugal. We felt it most tucked into an alley in Porto listening to Fado music or
enjoying prato do dia (dish of the day) surrounded by family and friends. - In the Māori tradition of Hariru/hongi pressing noses and shaking hands – the
breath of life is exchanged between two people. In that breath, all the ancestors
that have come before are represented. During ceremonies or important
meetings, it also symbolizes a sharing of responsibility and accountability for the
whole. We experienced it most memorably at the Te Matatini Māori competition
and it was life-changing to witness. - The Danish word Friluftsliv literally means ‘living in the free air’ and it’s about love of the outdoors but does not have a direct English translation. When we were invited to a family sommerhus, we were able to feel this concept come to life. Most of the Danish people we met that weekend were only 1-2 hours from home but worlds away. They walked, fished, boated, swam, picked summer fruits, and basked in the fickle sun.
It is not that one culture is right and one is wrong. However, our experience living in
other cultures have taught us that always forecasting, asking, planning, and scheduling, can potentially limit the BASKING not just for ourselves but for those we are peppering with our “what is next” questions.
Perhaps during the next celebration, monumental accomplishment, family reunion, or Friday afternoon, we can replace our questions with a smile. We can bask in silence that communicates volumes through pure presence and joy in sharing this moment with someone. Isn’t that the essence of arriving, celebrating, and having it all?
Connection and shared experiences are where the magic happens and asking ourselves if our questions support that connection or detract from it is an important step. There is sometimes a perception that cultures that relish, enjoy, and appreciate the meal, the siesta, and the moment, are not as productive. In our experience, this is not the case. There is balance in the sensibility and sustainability of the pace we have experienced in various other cultures. We have observed, at the core, that there is a different set of values that do not include the relentless pursuit of productivity.
As Thomas Hardy so eloquently wrote about in Tess of the D’Urbervilles, what private
little sun does your soul long to bask in?
